The “Kooking” Thread for useless saps that won’t shop in M&S

ok ressers, let’s have ya. have taking a keen interest in cooking of late, maybe it’s. a midlife crisis, maybe it’s boredom, but i’m starting to progress.

Form boiled eggs to battering me own fish and shallow frying it. yes small steps for a useless ■■■■ that was on first name basis with the owners of all the chippers in navan.

want to do a mexican night. go all the way. fajitas cause the kids love them. corn tortillas. make my own tortilla chips. but i’d like it to be authentic. found a place in south anne street that does authentic mexican products.

so let’s have ya. the thread can be out any Kooking ideas share recipes places to buy stuff and show the world we really are uselsss. except at football.


So little point in @Roman contributing here then :thinking:


One stop shop for his butler though.


of course @Roman can… i’m looking forward to what romans staff cooking on daily basis…

I had a bash at this some weeks back… Mrs Beeko was very impressed.


My speciality is egg bread. Well, I can pretty much cook any sort of ‘dish’ if you want to call it that, that involves eggs. Boiled eggs, scrambled, fried egg on toast, french toast, and I can do a decent fry up, but tend to leave it to the expert so that half isn’t either burned or cold from making a ballix of the timing.
Back to the bread egg though. A dish my Da passed to me. Meself and the brother still make it, but none of our families will have it. I hear the confusion in some of your heads, he also said french toast, is that not egg bread??
No. Egg bread is 3/4 slices of white bread broken into small pieces, then mixed with 2/3 eggs, the result has to be all the bread coated in the egg. Then into a hot pan with oil in the shape of a pancake, but thicker, much thicker. Fry until brown on both sides. A load of salt, and covered in HP brown sauce. Simple as that and its lovely. Depending on taste you can leave the middle part a little gooey, but some people prefer the well done version :upside_down_face:

Thats about all I will be contributing to his thread I reckon!


A handy chilli (medium heat)
400g of very lean mince
1 can of kidney beans
1 can of butter bean
2 tins of Plum tomatoes
1 decent onion
3 cloves of garlic peeled with centre removed (it is the bit that cause heartburn)
Pack of smoked pancetta (great substitute for salt)
2 tsp smoked paprika
2 tsp cumin
2 tsp cayenne pepper
Pinch of cinnamon
6 chillies (jalapenos) minimum, make sure you keep the seeds for heat
2 Glass of red wine ( 1 for the pot and 1 for the cook)
Goad quality beef stock cube
2 Table spoons
Fresh corriander
Really Dark chocolate 70% cocoa at least
Worcestershire sauce

Let the beef warm out of the fridge as usual, at least 10 mins
Drain the beans
Heat the wine and add the stock cube until it disslolve.
Add the spices to the wine/beef stock
Chop the onions well
Finely slice the garlic
Finely slice the chillies
Brown the beef and take out of the pan
Put in the pancetta with no oil on low heat, this seperates out the fat, once fat is coming out add the onion then the garlic, until onions are soft.
Add in the beef and cook it until slowly untill it is soft.
Add in the tomatoes and break up, making a sauce.
Add the beans and stir in.
After a few minutes add the puree.
Simmer for a half hour.
Time now to taste, if to sweet or lacks pungency add extra tsp cumin.
If not enough heat add cayenne/chilli powder tsp at a time but give a few minutes simmering between tasting.
Once getting close to serving, grate a square of dark chocolate in and add drop of Worcestershire sauce and stir, then chop corriander and sprinkle on top

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The kids love french toast in our gaff… mix it with a bit of cinnamon. by a white bloomer form local bakery and cut thick slices of it and serve it with fried banana and some maple syrup.

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Like any disciple of pleasure, leisure and culture, I am an EXCELLENT chef.

So allow me to grant you all access to my “go to” recipe for a quick, gorge and simple meal that will end any hectic afternoon of gallery-cruising, boutique-hopping and book-launch-smoozing on a high.

Including prep, this will take you all of 20 minutes before you’re sitting down and tucking in.


A pound of ground beef.
2 red chilli’s.
6 garlic cloves.
3 table spoons of fish sauce.
3 table spoons of soy sauce.
3 table spoons of oyster sauce.
1 cup of fresh basil leaves.
Half a table spoon of sugar.

Right: First things first. Go onto Spotify and press play of Henryk Gorecki’s Symphony No. 3 – and turn that nasty dial up to 11 on your blue-tooth speaker.

Now, get to work bitch!

1 - Roughly chop the garlic cloves and slice up the 2 red chilli’s. Keep the seeds if you like it hot. Mix together.

2 - In a bowl, combine fish sauce, soy sauce, and oyster sauce.

3 - In a pan/wok, stir fry garlic/chilli mix for a few seconds before adding meat. When browned and fragrant (about two minutes), add the sauce mixture.

4 - Finally add the basil leaves. They’ll wither quickly.

And boom! You’re done. (Add the sugar if it’s too spicy for you.) (feel free to add mushrooms, green and red bell peppers and onion if you’re not in a hurry - my recipe above is the 20 minute tasty rush version).

Serve with Rice. If you have time, make it fried rice. To do so – earlier just quickly scramble two eggs. Remove scrambled eggs onto plate and cut them up further into neat pieces. Add a few diced scallions. When rice is done, simply mix egg and scallions into it on the frying pan. Sprinkle with a little soy sauce and a dash of white pepper. Stir and Bingo – gorge fried rice.

Oh yes - I forgot to name the dish. It is of course “ROMAN’S most excellent Thai Basil Beef” - because not only does it taste gorgeous but it looks gorgeous.

Enjoy my friends. Enjoy.

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Firstly remove the menu from the cutlery drawer
Then browse for 6/7 minutes try not to forget your first choice as it can haunt you later
Slowly ask her in doors has she selected
When finalised reach for phone , prepare to speak slowly but not mimic the accent on the end of the line
Allow for 40 min wait this can increase on Saturdays
Try using actual restaurants or take ways to ensure they receive full income as opposed to Just Eat
This is the traditional method of ordering some may wish to use a mobile phone App to order but will miss out on having to repeat your order three times which is always a treat

Joking aside I’m breakfast man and any fish or steak dinner , home made lasagne shepherds pie stews all Mrs Damo


Is ground beef the same as minced beef in Ireland ??

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So you made savoury mince? :wink:

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How very dare you….but……kind of, yes. :grin:


Various tips and tricks over the years one of which

Get some flavoured chicken wings

Cook in airfryer for 5 mins less than reccomended.

Whilst above is cooking line a bowl with tinfoil

squeeze half a lime into tinfoil above.

With 5 mins to go take out chicken wings

Put into foil with lime juice

Seal tinfoil parcel and back into air fryer for remaining 5 mins.

The juice from lime steams the wings for last 5 mins and when done take out and leave for a further 5mins.

Open, eat.

Fall off the bone chicken wings!!


:face_vomiting: Just buy Franks sauce, go half and half with Kerrygold butter, and cook the wings crispy, toss them in the sauce and bang, elephant and castle chicken wings

Keep it simple! Lock yourself into the kitchen. Turn on Finbar Furey et al (Lonesome Boatman, Shoals of herring, etc). Get some prawns, chilli flakes, chopped garlic, butter…a pan. Stir fry for two minutes. Enjoy. Wipe the pan. Fresh mackerel fillets, butter…on the pan. Both sides. Transfer to buttered brown bread. Apply some mustard, believe it or not! Enjoy. ( A pint/can of Guinness can be no harm, with this!)

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That sounds good.
I’d lash in some fresh chopped coriander leaves and mashed ginger with the prawns.

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That’s senior hurling, Beeko, but I fully agree!

I’d add some carbs, noodles being my choice.